Do you remember the last time you felt like your heart was splitting? There is such a paralyzing heaviness you almost feel like you can’t breathe, and if you somehow manage to draw a breath, it is saturated with your tears. It feels like you’re drowning.
How do you get out of that? Do you apply the nearest Bandaid fix, or do you perform major heart surgery complete with a staple, glue, and stitches lock up and hope for the best?
For those who cling to the promises of Jesus Christ, we don’t have to hope for the best because we already have it at our disposal. The best healing is brought by way of prayer, and more than likely, God is going to guide us out of our misery by leading us into the light of love for others.
Recently I suffered a loss. Through circumstances beyond my control, I was put in the position of having to make difficult choices that would affect relationships near and dear to my heart. Those who are believers know all too well the struggle to put God first in our lives while making everyone else happy at the same time. It doesn’t work out that way sometimes. And our hearts break.
While I sat here trying to figure out why and how this could be happening, I finally asked God, “What am I supposed to do with this”? “Can’t I be happy for just a little bit? My battle weary, scarred heart is stretching these old sutures to the limit. Please pull me through this and teach me what You want me to know”.
I haven’t felt so alone in a very long time.
UPDATE 2/24/2021: I’m looking around and find this draft that I wrote several weeks ago but have very little recollection of writing it. I do remember the pain. I have news. My friend and Savior, Jesus Christ, took my hand and led me out of that darkness and into the light of reason, reality, hope, and love. No, it’s not all better, but I am eternally grateful for God’s patience, peace, and unconditional love. God’s love never fails.