I Noticed…

Parents are resilient people.

Most of us like to think we did a decent job of raising our children but for those of us not quite sure about that, we crave a little confirmation now and then. I’ve heard many stories from parents who were surprised at how badly they misread their children’s earlier signals that were painfully clarified by their hearts in adulthood. Here are some of the things parents noticed.

I noticed…when I heard you tell your friends your Mom was pretty cool.

I noticed…when I heard you tell your friends your Mom was a witch.

I noticed…when you lovingly placed a homemade card on the table for Mother’s Day and my birthday.

I noticed…when I got nothing, not even a phone call for either day.

I noticed…when your boyfriend changed everything about you until I no longer recognized my daughter who would no longer speak to me unless it was in expletives.

I noticed…when you called me upset and needing to talk when you were having a fight with your spouse and I listened, and then told you to go back home and work things out.

I noticed…when you came home looking beat up. You were.

I noticed…when you were excited about something that happened in your day.

I noticed…when you did something insensitive to someone who loves you.

I noticed…when you needed us to love you and you let us.

I noticed…when you got involved in something humanitarian, and then cringed when you did something unsavory.

I noticed…when you wrote nice things about me in your book report for school.

I noticed…when you left me out.

I noticed…when you asked me for what you wanted, instead of your dad.

I noticed…when you went to him for advice.

I noticed…when you were afraid to tell me the truth.

I noticed…when you trusted me with a painful secret.

I noticed…when you said you wanted something and you usually got it.

I noticed…when you gave your last dollar to a friend who was taking advantage of you.

I noticed…when you held the door open for someone.

I noticed…when you rocked babies to sleep like you were an old pro.

I noticed…when you didn’t return my calls, texts, or emails for weeks at a time.

I noticed…when you played favorites.

I noticed…when you were doing things you shouldn’t have been doing. Yes, I knew.

I noticed…when you ignored my boundary requests in my own home.

I noticed…when you struggled because you ignored my advice.

I noticed…when you made difficult decisions responsibly.

I noticed…you, all of you, warts and all, and I love you and always will.

Did you notice…anything about me…other than my faults?

There comes a time, when all is said and done, and all that’s left is the memory, not as we remember it but as it was, and we have to take that shred of reality and live the rest of our lives knowing that is all we have left.

It never had to be that way.