WALLS

What counts as an apology?

It may be easier to define what an apology is not. Sincere remorse is not blaming the person you are apologizing to or others. It’s not making excuses and not shouting, “I’m SORRY!” to say you apologized and get the other person to shut up so you can feel better about yourself. It does not require begging or tears.

An apology is an authentic expression of remorse for specific hurtful words and actions and a follow-through to avoid repeating it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand why the other person is upset and hurt. What matters is that you acknowledge their real pain caused by something you said or did, alone or with another person, whether by accident or not. Not dealing with the issue responsibly and with noble character allows the pain to fester and the dividing walls to be built higher and higher. You can climb the wall, but you must do the right thing, the hard thing, or you will never break that wall down. It will always be there.

If you have learned to see the good in all things, you might use that as an excuse to fluff over your feelings and try to let things go. But that isn’t forgiving. That’s denying, and it’s degrading to yourself. As a child of God, you are worth more than hiding your soul under a rug or being walked upon as a doormat.

What are Christ’s Followers to do?

When you’ve wronged someone, apologize and make sufficient restitution to the best of your ability. Don’t blame someone else for your behavior and words. Be sincere, knowing you are growing in humility by taking responsibility for yourself and trying to correct your wrongs, if possible. Then let go.

 Saul said to Samuel, b“I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice. 25 Now therefore, please pardon my sin and creturn with me that I may bow before the Lord.” 26 And Samuel said to Saul, “I will not return with you. dFor you have rejected the word of the Lord, eand the Lord has rejected you from being king over Israel.” 1 Samuel 15:24-26

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to forgive us of all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24

We learn to extend grace as God does when we forgive someone who wronged us. We learn humility. Sometimes, it’s hard, and other times, it’s effortless with someone we love, as the story of the prodigal son illustrates in Luke 15. Our challenge is to forgive the difficult people in our lives.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!  I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’  So he got up and went to his father.”

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15:17-20

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, and forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

You received Grace from God. Extend grace to others. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Reflection:  Is there anyone you need to apologize to?  How does it feel to receive an apology when you’ve been wronged?

SALT

We moved here from living in Colorado for 35 years, so a lot is new to us in the South. We thought everything grew here! We have all kinds of bugs, snakes, and pests that you can imagine. Yardwork and gardening are a challenge! By trial and error, after three years and scorching summers, we’re having our best year ever.

Oklahoma is in the “Bible Belt,” so named because evangelical Christianity and social conservatism are prevalent here and in the surrounding states. There are hundreds of churches in the metro areas. One of the first things we were asked as newcomers to the state was whether we had found a church. We had, and that was all that mattered.

My Aunt June warned me, and I quickly learned that “Bless your heart” has different meanings in the South. Not all are kind, but sometimes they are, and that makes you stop and think—should I be insulted or thankful? I mean, who would’ve thought that a blessing could be used to sweetly insult someone?

Some of the best advice I’ve been given was delivered with a bit of salt. In the Bible, salt has a plethora of meanings in different contexts. It can signify flavor, preservation, covenant, death, and bitterness. I’ve always associated it with the hard truth, but it can also flavor a good truth. I think biblical salt indicates wise communication rather than the flavor of the message.

I’ve learned to love the salt along with the sweet. Too much of either isn’t healthy, but they complement each other. Have you ever sprinkled sea salt on top of cookies or canteloupe? Delicious! Our differences, in moderation, make life interesting and enjoyable, and it’s why we love it here in Oklahoma.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

Reflection: Think of a time when you applied salt to a message to make it taste better. Do you think the process was part of speaking the truth in love? How was it received? How could you improve your salt-shaking ability?

Reflection:

LEGACY

One of my boys got his little feet caught under the accordion partition wall at church during service, and while I tried to pull him out, the wall swung back and forth. His dad had to push from the other side to free him. The boy wasn’t crying but was enjoying himself very much! He was always curious in his world of adventure.

The teen years were difficult, very challenging. I didn’t know the Lord then as I do now, and I know I would have made better decisions in those years with the wisdom of the Lord guiding me. But, I gained a new appreciation and understanding of my parents when they were trying to raise me. We are all genuinely doing our best with what we have inside of us at the time.

I pray for every parent out there who is down on themself for not being perfect, for there is no such thing. Today’s youth face challenges their parents never experienced, and parents face challenges they never dreamed of. The sooner we realize that the sooner we gain the peace to enjoy our families and have the courage and diligence to create a new legacy of honest, Christ-like love.

SWEET CONSISTENCY

I genuinely believe there is no perfect person on earth.

So when I see people that generally defend the truth with people they don’t know, then turn around and refuse to acknowledge the truth about someone they know, it smacks of hypocrisy. I’m thinking along the lines of abuse victims.

These people will defend the victims until the abuser is someone they know. Then all of a sudden, the truth is overridden by their relationship with the abuser. Either victim shaming commences, or they simply disregard the facts because they know “he would never do that”, or worse, they think it’s okay. Folks, people are flawed, but sin should never be glossed over, no matter how well we think we know someone. God knows the heart, and we know what He thinks about man’s heart.


Love speaks the truth always. People seek the truth, and when they can’t find it or don’t want to accept it, they make it up.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?
Jeremiah 17:9

LOVE

Love isn’t always what you think it should be.

Sometimes it’s messy or boring. Sometimes love is lonely. Sometimes it’s loud and sometimes silent. It often grows slowly if given the chance, or it might cool a little with time. It’s a place of comfort and familiarity that defies a chaotic world. Love has your back. It makes mistakes. It makes amends. It never settles for less than God intended.

I was reading a post about the true meaning of Valentine’s Day and sacrificial love. Valentine’s Day used to be pretty simple with flowers, candy, a card, tie, cologne, or stationery but now it seems to be more complicated with trying to find that special gift that stands out. But if you carefully observe and listen, “special” comes to you by necessity.

Marty and I celebrated the geriatric version of Valentine’s Day this year. I got him an orthopedic pillow and he got me a little heater for under my desk to keep my feet warm. We had a steak dinner here at home, watched some TV, and I fell asleep in the chair, as usual, while he manned the remote. Perfect!

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:4–8

TALK

Good Morning! Hope you’re all having a good one so far. I woke up feeling like I might be trying to “catch” something; headache and achiness. It feels like a good YouTube tutorial day.

A post I read this morning reminded me that years ago I was quiet as a young person but in Christ I found my voice. Now, sometimes I feel stifled if I can’t get a word in a conversation! This didn’t used to bother me because I didn’t feel confident speaking anyway. I now see it as a teaching moment for learning to discern between when I SHOULD speak over when I WANT to!

We are all learning at different paces. Accepting grace and showing it to others is a life lesson in humility. May we all get ‘A’s!
Love to you ❤️

Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues. Proverbs 10:19

WORSHIP

I have been thinking a lot lately about what worship means to me and more importantly, what it means to God. I think He’s extremely pleased to hear the worship of His children, young and old. I love hearing the “worship team”, whether one person or a choir singing old hymns or contemporary music, but I think God also relishes hearing the fellowship singing with heartfelt praise in response to the worship team’s leading. I get a little worried when all I can hear is the team in front of me and no one around me. We are all worshippers!

At the church I came from in Colorado, there was a man who usually sat somewhere near me close to the back in a room that seated hundreds of people. He was an enthusiastic and bold singer with a beautiful voice but marched to the beat of a different drummer. I loved it, but several people were bothered. I was so happy one day when during the sermon the pastor encouraged people to sing out with exuberant praise with no worry about those around them. And to those who were bothered, “don’t complain, look around, and give dirty looks to them.” They are praising God!

Sing to God, sing praises to his name; lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts; his name is the Lord; exult before him! Psalm 68:4

LOST

I was searching the house for one thing.

I was going into dark corners, closets, drawers, and rooms and finding items I hadn’t seen for ages (including giant dust bunnies).
I decided to sort and discard while I am there, and finally,
I still need to find what I was initially looking for.

How many times when we are looking for somenthing in all the wrong places do we give up when we can’t find it? It’s there, somewhere.

I’m praying.

Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Philippians 4:6

RETREAT

I still remember this retreat. As I waited in line to check in after my arrival, I was behind a woman who was complaining about the wait and how the valets took her car without telling her where it was. I hoped she wasn’t going to be my roommate. I was so tired and stressed. For several years I never specified anyone to room with because I told myself I liked meeting different people. In actuality, I didn’t know anyone who was going that didn’t already have their roommates picked. As I stepped off the elevator and rounded the corner to my room, I saw a woman fumbling with her key in the door. Yep. It was her.


She continued complaining and grew quite angry in between trying to make friendly chitchat. She was very worried about her car. I excused myself to the balcony to check in with my husband. When I came back in she said she was going out and would see me later. I never saw her again. When I went back to the room after dinner and the first session, all her things were gone. She had left. I prayed for that woman who must have had some problems that I couldn’t know about from a first encounter.

I had that huge luxurious room all to myself that first night, and instead of feeling excited, I felt contemplative and alone. The next day I was assigned a new roommate who was beautiful, sweet, and friendly but because her friends were in other rooms we had little time to get to know each other. I was asleep when she came back to the room that night. I was exhausted and fragile and knew I would need my strength for the next few days. I still felt very alone.

God knew I needed rest and quiet, and to be reminded that He was in control and would provide for my needs. He also reminded me of the imperfections and complexity of others and how we are all fragile sometimes. That weekend God lovingly prepared me for the last time I would see my Mom alive.

After the retreat, I drove further into the mountains to visit and have lunch with my son Kyle and Danielle in Glenwood Springs, then back down the mountain and on to Nebraska to see my Mother who was in the last stage of her life. Five years of volunteering for hospice hadn’t prepared me for seeing my own flesh and blood in her final transition.

It was heartbreaking to see Mom looking 20 years older than she was, unresponsive most of the time with her eyes closed, but angry and combative when lucid. She had eaten very little in weeks, and as I tried to feed her some yogurt, she suddenly came back and recognized me, commenting on how much she liked my purse, which she had given me years before. She said “I did?”, then her eyes filled with tears as she looked at me, then at Dad. She asked me for a kiss and then turned her chair around and wheeled away. That was her goodbye. She left to meet Jesus a few days later, and I’m so blessed to have been a part of her journey.

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed

That I would see the goodness of the Lord

In the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord;

Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart;

Wait, I say, on the Lord! Psalm 27:13-14



TRUTH

Thinking back on those times in my life when I felt so alone and didn’t know how I could possibly make it because the chaos and pain seemed too much to bear, He was there.

Every moment, He was there. Protecting me, giving me strength to persevere and honor my vows; my commitments to Him. In my failings, my desire to honor God allowed my eyes to cut through the darkness and see the light.

This doesn’t come naturally. Our minds can play tricks on us. Satan can use our thoughts and desires against us by making them appear to honor God when, in fact, they bring Him deep sorrow.

Satan is the father of lies. I fell for his tricks when I thought I knew best. I fell for his tricks when I didn’t seek the truth because I was afraid I wouldn’t like it. Because of this, I’m learning to explore scripture for clarity. Sometimes I don’t even have to search because it stands out perfectly; it shines. And yes, sometimes it’s not what I want to hear, but I trust God and His sovereign wisdom, always keeping in mind that He is good and He wants good for us and He will use whatever means He chooses for His Glory because He loves us. He loves us!

We need people in our lives who love us with the truth. I’m so blessed to have the support of faithful Christian brothers and sisters (including my husband) who steadfastly love me enough to speak the truth in love. God hand-picked these people for me, and I’m forever grateful.

If you feel angry, defeated, overwhelmed, and alone…

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

God’s Word lifts the fog of self to see the Light of Truth, Glory, and hope.