SEEK

A few years ago, something happened in my family that devastated me. I never lost my faith in what God could do in our lives, but I was heartbroken and hadn’t felt so alone since I got saved.

I remember going to a support group at church, and I spilled out my heart with trust, and after my tears dried and it was time to go, I left with nary a hug or goodbye. I know that some just didn’t know how to respond, and it’s so sad when that happens because the person feels like it’s sinful to cry or even show intense emotion. No one followed up later. No calls, no texts, no nothing. I didn’t speak of this to anyone because I didn’t want to cause others to stumble, and I still don’t, so please, don’t let anyone use this as an excuse to leave or stay away from the fellowship.

I stayed away from church for a few weeks or months; I don’t remember how long, and when I started attending again regularly, it was like I was a foreign person in a new land. I felt so out of place, and it was hard to make eye contact let alone connect.

I begged people to tell me what was wrong with me. I had attended this church for over five years and felt friendless. I had been active in weekly serving, attended Bible study groups and women’s retreats, etc., but I still felt out of place, even more so after being gone for a while.

Finally, I gave up and delved into the Word and prayer, and through His Word, God told me, “All you need is Me. Learn to seek Me before all others, and you will find what you seek”. I’m not a Bible scholar. As a matter of fact, I came to the faith in adulthood, was born again in my late 30s, and was baptized at the age of 50. I didn’t read the Bible straight through for the first time until a few years ago. Do I know the books in order by heart? Do I have verses memorized word for word? No, I don’t, and it gets more difficult to memorize as I get older. But I do know Jesus, and He knows me.

I’m still no social butterfly, but I can honestly say I have many friends of faith, and I can attend church with my head held high and arms lifted, or I can sit in the very back corner by myself with my head bowed low in private communion with the Lord. I could fall to my knees in prayer at my seat, let the tears flow, and even sob. I can sing with an imperfect voice and know that He is all that matters.

Do I believe God let this heartache happen to bring me closer to Him? Yes, because no matter what happens or people’s choices, God works all for His good.

I have a heart and a hug for those who feel alone, and I look for them, but I know my job is to remind them to seek Jesus Christ before all else.

Seek Jesus.

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

Reflection: Do I seek the Lord when I feel alone, or do I seek people, places, things, or something else?