WALLS

What counts as an apology?

It may be easier to define what an apology is not. Sincere remorse is not blaming the person you are apologizing to or others. It’s not making excuses and not shouting, “I’m SORRY!” to say you apologized and get the other person to shut up so you can feel better about yourself. It does not require begging or tears.

An apology is an authentic expression of remorse for specific hurtful words and actions and a follow-through to avoid repeating it. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand why the other person is upset and hurt. What matters is that you acknowledge their real pain caused by something you said or did, alone or with another person, whether by accident or not. Not dealing with the issue responsibly and with noble character allows the pain to fester and the dividing walls to be built higher and higher. You can climb the wall, but you must do the right thing, the hard thing, or you will never break that wall down. It will always be there.

If you have learned to see the good in all things, you might use that as an excuse to fluff over your feelings and try to let things go. But that isn’t forgiving. That’s denying, and it’s degrading to yourself. As a child of God, you are worth more than hiding your soul under a rug or being walked upon as a doormat.

What are Christ’s Followers to do?

When you’ve wronged someone, apologize and make sufficient restitution to the best of your ability. Don’t blame someone else for your behavior and words. Be sincere, knowing you are growing in humility by taking responsibility for yourself and trying to correct your wrongs, if possible. Then let go.

 Saul said to Samuel, ^b“I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice. 25 Now therefore, please pardon my sin and ^creturn with me that I may bow before the Lord.” 26 And Samuel said to Saul, “I will not return with you. ^dFor you have rejected the word of the Lord, ^eand the Lord has rejected you from being king over Israel.” 1 Samuel 15:24-26

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to forgive us of all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24

We learn to extend grace as God does when we forgive someone who wronged us. We learn humility. Sometimes, it’s hard, and other times, it’s effortless with someone we love, as the story of the prodigal son illustrates in Luke 15. Our challenge is to forgive the difficult people in our lives.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!  I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’  So he got up and went to his father.”

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15:17-20

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, and forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

You received Grace from God. Extend grace to others. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Reflection:  Is there anyone you need to apologize to?  How does it feel to receive an apology when you’ve been wronged?